These are tried and true actions that will keep you from ever having that 2nd date. Any one will do the trick, but for added spice, I've combined several into one outing.
1. Throw up in his precious TransAm.
2. Point and laugh when he tells you he still lives with his "rents".
3. Gawk in disbelief when he tells you about his immense Pez collection.
4. Get choked at dinner, causing you to pee yourself.
5. Bletch continuously throughout an entire movie.
6. Mock him relentlessly for ordering a Watermelontini...to the waitress.
7. Tease him about his sandals, then his last name.
8. Talk about nothing except "South Park" and "The Office".
9. Call the ivy league college he attended "gay". (In my defense, the convo went like this...Me, "What college did you say you graduated from?" Him, "I didn't say. I don't like to sound pretentious." He followed that up the name of the college. It was totally deserved!)
10. Refuse a goodnight kiss by explaining he has a big *woogie in his nose.
11. Gently weep on the long ride home. Then laugh out loud at yourself for the crying.
12. Let him watch as you touch up your lipstick and/or gloss. When he proudly proclaims, "I know that's a sign I get some sugar later", proudly respond with "Oh, no. This is not for you."
13. Encourage him to reconnect with his ex. Strongly!
14. In front of your fuming date, apologize to the waitress and explain that you just met him. Then stare in disbelief as said date continues his rant to an entire Applebee's about how he should have been informed of the lack of celery before receiving his hot wings. As "celery is a staple!!"
Yes, I am the First Date Queen and I reserve the right to freely add to this list as I unblock all the memories...or continue to torture myself by still trying.
Dr. Chirag Shah, Guest Speaker
3 years ago