Tuesday, May 25, 2010

She loves me. She loves me not. She loves me.

Not long after my first child was born, I had a conversation with a good friend. Our talk turned to children telling their parents they hate them. My thoughts at the time are still very clear, even though it's been 14 long years.

I looked down at my beautiful, angelic, baby girl, that I created. I just knew that if this child, I loved sooo very much, ever felt hatred for me, much less actually said it out loud, I would be completely devastated!! Totally and utterly, devastated!!

Well that was then. What I don't remember is when exactly I first heard her say she hated me. I do remember the circumstances. We were in the midst of our first huge power struggle. She wasn't backing down. I definitely wasn't ever going to back down. There was no end in sight. Suddenly, she stomped off and mumbled those dreaded words, "I hate you." I was stunned. My mouth dropped open and I'm pretty sure my heart stopped. Devastation. I was right all those years ago...I was right!

What I didn't know back then was what would happen next. My world didn't end. In fact, for a split second, I thought about ending hers. That's when I realized something. It was silent. The argument had ended. I stood very still in the silence for several minutes. I didn't feel hurt or rage. I felt victorious!! I had won! With three simple words, the struggle had ended. I had been a parent long enough to take my victories where I could get them.

To this day, when I hear those three little words, I know I'm doing something right.

Sunday, May 2, 2010

That is so cliche!

Both my parents spoke almost entirely in cliches, euphemisms and metaphors. As a child, I assumed everyone talked this way. This did not help my social life...at all. You do not gain popularity points, or even a single 'high-five' when your only retort to a elementary school punk is, "Takes one to know one!" "I know you are, but what am I? " might have gone over a wee bit better. Though, I'm sure I used that too. The mocking and laughing has yet to cease. I MUST purge myself once and for all!

Though I love to use the "qouties", I must leave them off this list in fear of resenting them.

Getting too big for your britches. (Usually followed up with a "Missy" or "Young lady")
I don't/wouldn't trust him/her any farther than I can throw them.
That money burning a hole in your pocket?? ( Yeeeees, indeed it is!)
Diarrhea of the mouth. (I heard this several times a day; apparently I talk a lot. It still makes me gag.)
Cat got your tongue? (Very seldom used)
Not for all the tea in China.
Your eyes are bigger than your stomach. (Meaning you ordered/fixed more than you could eat.)
Baby sh*t green/brown. (Mom used this a lot to describe ugly brown or green colors.)
Pardon my French. (Followed the previous)
It went down the wrong pipe. (When someone is choking. I prefer the Heimlich.)
Ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer. (Do I ask a lot of questions?)
Don't hold your breath.
It cost an arm and a leg.
I'd give my right arm for...
Like a chicken with it's head cut off. :-/
Take your coat off and stay awhile.
Naked as a jaybird.
I'll beat you with a wet noodle. (Sooo violent, my Mom!)
Don't look a gift horse in the mouth.
The pot calling the kettle black.
It's right up your alley.
One foot on a the grave and the other on a banana peel.
My teeth are floating. (You gotta pee...badly.)

That's it. I can't do anymore!! But, trust me...there are many, many more. These are merely the most popular ones in my household. I may not be a "spring chicken" or anything, but I shouldn't sound like someone's Great Grammy!