Tuesday, May 25, 2010

She loves me. She loves me not. She loves me.

Not long after my first child was born, I had a conversation with a good friend. Our talk turned to children telling their parents they hate them. My thoughts at the time are still very clear, even though it's been 14 long years.

I looked down at my beautiful, angelic, baby girl, that I created. I just knew that if this child, I loved sooo very much, ever felt hatred for me, much less actually said it out loud, I would be completely devastated!! Totally and utterly, devastated!!

Well that was then. What I don't remember is when exactly I first heard her say she hated me. I do remember the circumstances. We were in the midst of our first huge power struggle. She wasn't backing down. I definitely wasn't ever going to back down. There was no end in sight. Suddenly, she stomped off and mumbled those dreaded words, "I hate you." I was stunned. My mouth dropped open and I'm pretty sure my heart stopped. Devastation. I was right all those years ago...I was right!

What I didn't know back then was what would happen next. My world didn't end. In fact, for a split second, I thought about ending hers. That's when I realized something. It was silent. The argument had ended. I stood very still in the silence for several minutes. I didn't feel hurt or rage. I felt victorious!! I had won! With three simple words, the struggle had ended. I had been a parent long enough to take my victories where I could get them.

To this day, when I hear those three little words, I know I'm doing something right.


  1. Cheers, I too am a victor. It most certainly is confusing and confounding. My son has Asperger's so it makes it had to know how things are going. If I can get him to look me in the eye, or get a hug from him, all the "I hate you's" melt away.

  2. Aspergers is tough.Showing affection surely is hard to come by, but know the love is always there. Cheers to you, too!